Dear President Edgar C Lungu,
Thank you for telling the people of Southern province the truth in a language they understand.
I have heard Hakainde Hichilema brag about being a simple villager from Bwengwa. Just that one declaration is enough for me to side with you Your Excellency. I can’t imagine a villager from Bwengwa using your expensive jet which ZAF bought for you using their ‘own’ money. Your position is for men that drink expensive whiskies and not ‘fi sour milk ne chibwantu’, atase!!
A man that has failed to build toilets in Katuba should never be allowed anywhere near state house. At least you have made a difference even though you have not built toilets for them either. On the other hand you have humbly allowed all citizens to dig pit latrines on the vast land that you own on their behalf. Those villagers live on your land and that is why your cadres and friends have the right to displace them anytime.
State house is for sharp people that not only graduate with a merit, but can also effortlessly swindle widows out of their last money. I like the way you told off those accusing you of being a thief. The silly people do not realize that your first investment after you became a president was in a casino. Who doesn’t know that people win money in casinos! If lucky people win money in casinos what of the OWNER of the casino? He surely is free to try his luck too. We all know that the casino machines and employees are scared of making the boss lose because being retired in national interest is not an interesting thing. Don’t let anyone scare you about future interrogations because your casino will get you off the hook.
How true is it that the initial C in your name actually stands for Christian and not Chagwa? I guess it’s not a big deal, after all you can again choose to change it and adopt a new name later, especially that the guys that handle the process dispose of previous records easily. I do suggest that next time you just change all your names to something like Election Cozener Loser. Cozener sounds sweet and has an appropriate meaning. You will still be ECL but no one will be able to pursue you for any intentional misdeeds because the national registration people will have quickly disposed of your old records.
By the way! Your recent reshuffles showed us what a genius you are. Only a man that graduated from university with a merit can swap front punctured tires with equally punctured ones from the rear.
Please do everything possible to make sure HH does not become president because if he does this country will run normally again. A normally run economy disadvantages crooks and lazy people. I love my brothers Sunday, Kaizar, Antonio, Isaac, Ntewewe, Ronald and ntwanokane uyu…uyu. Eish, her name has escaped my mind. This mukula lady!! I can’t just imagine them in a country where governance institutions run properly. Their rapidly accumulated wealth will be repossessed by the state. It is far much better for ordinary citizens to suffer (after all they are now used to suffering) than seeing my well-dressed and well-fed friends being surrendered to destitution. They just have to continue wallowing in the lap of luxury.
I hate those accusing you and your family of being thieves. If the money that you and our friends embezzle belonged to someone such a person would have launched a complaint to the police by now. Some stupid people think you embezzle everybody’s money but I totally disagree. We all know that the police, the Anti-Corruption Commission, Zambia, and the judiciary are paid from everybody’s money. Why wouldn’t these organs be the first to arrest you and my innocent friends if you have been stealing everybody’s money? That certainly defies all logic. Your Excellency, you are as innocent as baChitotela and we thank God for that.
Kindly pass my regards to Tasila. Tell her to keep her millions safely.These stories of her money being stolen by her illiterate gardener are very embarrassing. I heard the chap only stole about K200,000 because that was all he could carry. Lusaka City Council does not pay her that money just for her to carelessly lose some of it to people that can’t count. Such stories will give your house servants bad ideas…
Tell mama that I am organizing a grand reception for the firetenders that she was given in America. It will last 2 weeks and will be in Samfya. Let her come with more bedroom attendants and chefs because Samfya is right in the bundus. She will also need extra staff dedicated to chasing mosquitoes.
Next time you fly somewhere far for a jog please take me along. I have never been on a luxury jet 😜
All my love