Parody: Dear ZRA, you are useless


I am a tax evader and I write to expose how useless you are at tax collection. You are short sighted like the Zacharias and corruptly rich like him again. You guys need to climb down from that tree in this case, Revenue house, and literary get down to earth and learn how easily we evade your nets.

You guys need to know that you have the easiest job ever. You don’t create wealth you simply transfer it. You don’t determine the economy you simply divide it. So what is so hard about you confiscating 30% of my wealth when you have the backing of the law and law enforcers?

You fellows need to collect that windfall tax from mining. That is the best way you won’t be swindled out by transfer pricing or fake transaction chains. Windfall tax will benefit from the actual price of copper and not the stupid forward prices these mines show you.

As a Zambian of Asian origin I know exactly how to keep you at bay. I build my house on top of my shop and charge all my domestic utility bills to the shop accounts. That way I reduce the taxable income on my shop and also you don’t get to tax my fringe benefits through PAYE. I run a parallel receipting system one for you and one for my clients. If you become too nosy of course I bribe you, because you don’t investigate yourselves at all.

As a landlord with one or ten houses, I even forget that my tenants are supposed to pay withholding tax. If it is so hard for you to collect the withholding tax on rentals, why not use the council who are closer to my tenants. Of course if you become serious I will gross up my rentals and that is tough luck to my tenants. But provided the tax is seen to benefit on my tenants through reinvestment in local public infrastructure I will be keen on this one.

As a working class guy with private jobs every now and then, I make money way beyond your thresholds. Guess what, Zachariases, I don’t pay any VAT neither do I pay any income tax on consultancy work. You are still losing ZRA. If you can see this money, why not use the law to get it. You guys need to introduce compulsory annual or quarterly income declarations, whose falseness will be punishable by monetary and jail terms. That way you will be re-assessing my taxable income and collecting more money. Please ZRA why don’t you sniff into my bank accounts or property portfolio at ministry of land and tax me correctly, I pay too little to you guys.

I am also a cross boarder trader who doesn’t pay duty and makes 200% profits on goods I buy from retails overseas. I am a restaurateur who makes K1,000 per day but ZRA doesn’t know my name. I am a pastor who make way beyond a modest offertory but because I am pastor I can be as luxurious as I please, all without the interference of the fingers of Ceasar. I just recently sold my house for K700m but on my property tax returns I indicated K200m which shockingly you have failed to trace, even with municipalities, banks and ministry of land at your disposal. I am government department who keeps charging PAYE without remittance.

To add salt to the wound I am a money launderer and goods smuggler.

Please ba Zambia Ripping Authority do you job, you have the mandate from Jesus himself when he told us to give to Caesar what belongs Caesar. Climb down from that tree and see what belongs to thee.

Richard Wanga, Tax Evader

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