State House Zambian comedy today moved to the honourable parliament of Zambia where President Michael Sata was supposed to give a clear policy direction but ended up speaking like he was addressing a press conference.
Sata’s address started with what was supposed to be a minute of silence for the late first Lady, Betty Kaunda, but ended up ordering MPs to instead sing the chorus of the National Anthem.
The President who had a written speech ended-up spending most of the time rumbling and talking about personalities like Brian Chituwo, Jackie Mwiimbu, Brian Ntundu, women MPs dressed head chitenges ‘like Vera Chiluba in dukes’.
Sata who looked and acted drunk from either beer or excessive medication said people should not be abbreviating Fackson Shamenda’s first name (to read fuck) because women like Namugala would be angry.
The entire address ended-up being a chat room where the president kept on giving his biography and laughing through out in what was supposed to be serious national policy direction.
In the same comedy, where President Sata admitted that he could not deliver within one year in order to allow the opposition to have something to talk about, the Head of State was short of making appointments as he justified poaching of opposition MPs due to lack of capacity in his party.
On communication, Sata said there are ladies with wigs that can’t even communicate with their relatives on phone in the village.
He said he wanted a railway system that can bring chibwantu, buns biting colgate, etc.
On Zesco load-shedding, Sata urged the Minister of ‘Zesco’ to look into the problem.
In a clear sign that the President did not rehearse the speech, he skipped the page on land reforms and ordered the minister to go and deliver a ministerial statement to Parliament instead.
On education Sata said he had no degree but upon realising he changed and said he only had one from an American University he did not name.
On tourism, Sata described his Minister of Tourism, Silvia Masebo as ‘looking very nice in that trousers’ and should consider taking Kalomo MP Request Muntanga for banji jumping in Livingstone.
Sata who kept on responding to running comments by MPs, likened too much rights and freedoms to good food which can cause constipation.
Sata justified the use of Public Order Act being used to block UPND rallies because it was inherited from colonial era and not his administration.
At least the address went as expected without any dull moment in the theatre house and ended without usual the promises which his government would not have fulfilled anyway.