The joke is on RB

The joke is on RB

Rupiah Banda, You Do Not Let Power Slip That Easily

By Don Wanyama (Ugandan Monitor)

Hi Rupiah, I am still in shock. How could you let that happen? How on earth, could you, with all the benefits of incumbency let the presidency slip from you to that age-mate of yours and perennial loser Michael Sata?

I must say you have done this continent a disservice. How can you have the central bank, the military, kiboko squads and national media at your disposal and still fail to comfortably win an election? When news of your imminent defeat began trickling in, we congregated as usual at our favourite joint in Kireka and wondered aloud what could have gotten into that head of yours.

You might not know it, but one of Kireka’s neighbour villages is called Banda. So, you can imagine how elated we were three years ago when you ascended the Zambian throne. We strongly identified with your success, but see what you have done to us now.

Just three years in power, with all the perks and means at your beck and call, you let a populist politician beat you to the bread. What script were you following?

At our joint, most of the guys wondered if you had ever heard of something called “logistics”. How rich are Zambians that no amount of sugar, soap or bread could make them see that you were the sole visionary they needed? In these hard times, why didn’t you raid the central bank and ensure everyone from Mpulungu in the North to Livingstone in the South had their fair share of cooking oil, T-shirts and salt?

Alfredo, a drink-mate here, in fact suggested that you be checked into a mental facility. “This guy is not serious,” fumed Alfredo. “How do you be president for only three years and let the prize go? How will he handle life minus the sirens, bodyguards and free access to state coffers? Look at Putin and how he is dying to make a comeback. Didn’t Binaisa say entebbe ewoma?”

Rupiah, what could have been the problem? If that Sata man looked difficult, could you not have planted a young woman to claim he raped her? Or better still, I know Zambia has no history of rebellions, but who says you could not link him to a shadowy rebel group somewhere in Solwezi on the border with Angola? After all, Angola is the bed of rebellions.

Also how genuine were the guys you appointed to count the votes? Did you have a private chat just to let them know how important this election was to you? But even then, could you not mobilise some stick-wielding militia to pump sense into these good-for-nothing Zambians just in case Plan A was failing?

Now see what misery you have invited for yourself. You are only 74 and jobless! In Africa, politics begins at 70. So, you let a promising career go to waste only three years into the job. What will you tell your grandchildren and clan that hoped to ride on your back to make their own fortunes? That you let victory slip from the jaws of defeat? I am sure they will never forgive you.

In our kafunda, we listened as you made that exit speech. That was total baloney. Mbu “the people of Zambia have spoken and we must listen”. Who is “people”? Do these people have a vision? Do these people know how you struggled to take over from Levy Mwanawasa after his death? We, in Kireka, are very disappointed with you for letting “people” deny you a birth right.

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