Welcome back Michael, as one of your mouthpieces the Post or Vuvuzela would put it.
We would like to bring to your attention some events that took place as you hibernated in hospital somewhere though we are aware that you sneaked out of state house via the back gate through Alick Nkata road to Thambo Mbeki road to the airport.
We hope you are really back because knowing you, it is possible that what we saw was a decoy. The chopper could have been empty.
But anyway, while you were on your sick bed, we discovered that you authorised your brother in marriage and secretary to the treasury Fredson Yamba to pay himself retirement benefits even though he has not reached retirement age.
While you were on your sick bed we discovered that your uncle and Minister of finance has instructed the ZRA to collect blood from a stone because the government is bankrupt you have revised targets that are unattainable. Still on your uncle, we tried to listen to the speech he read two days after you vanished but he was barely audible. Old age we guess. Sounded as if he has no teeth.
While you were on your sick bed heavily sedated we discovered that Bashilubemba installed Henry Sosala as Chitimukulu against your wishes. We discovered that you wanted Bob Luo who is Nkandu Luo’s younger brother and chief Chibesakunda to be Chitimukulu.
Whilst you were in Hospital we discovered that you love the Chibesakunda’s because former Clerk of National Assembly and now Zambia’s High Commissioner to Japan Mwelwa Chibesakunda saved you from prosecution when you, together with Peter Machungwa and late Golden Mandandi stole K2billion from Parliament.
Chibesakunda said you did not participate when you are the one who carried the money in a Carton Box to Kabwe for the MMD convention.
Paul Tembo the state witness who was supposed to tell the court this died a day before the tribunal.
While you were in hospital we discovered that while serving in MMD government, you and Sebastian Kopulande sold huge tracks of State land in Mpika to Zambeef for Palm Oil project.
While you were absent without official leave, AWOL, we discovered that some notorious criminals linked to you are now working for the current government.
We discovered that Francis Bwembya working for the parallel OP structure is the one who killed Henry Chanda the PF cadre in Livingstone.
We discovered that another notorious criminal by the name of Clement Nchinga whom you pardoned is working for your government.
While on a stretcher we discovered that another criminal relative of yours who is very good at stealing cars going by the name of Roy Mulenga is working for the Road Transport and Safety Agency RTSA.
We discovered that Civil Servants are unlikely to get their new salaries in September. While you were recovering, we discovered you are spending huge sums of money on black soil and grass at State house and police camp when there is a shortage of ARV’s in the country.
We also discovered that the Chinese and ZICTA fooled you by saying they blocked ZWD when they only did so on the phones of your ministers.
We also discovered that Fredrick Chiluba pleaded for mercy from the two ‘gentlemen’ who finished him off but now working for you.
What else did we discover Sir? Oh Yes, we discovered that you read each and every comment posted on ZWD despite advice from your doctors that it is not good for your health.
And now, we are eagerly waiting for you to start the nation-wide tour as announced by GBM. We want to follow you around and hear what kind of lies you will tell this time….